Last week a top bloke by the name of Marty contacted me after he heard me chat about my issues.
He wrote this & he wanted me to share it with you.
What a bloody brave legend!!
“A couple of the people really close to me know about this but not many other people do.
I think it’s really important for people (especially but not limited to blokes) to speak out about mental health so this is me havin a crack at sharing what’s been goin on in my head and life recently!
So for quite a while now in particular the last 12-18 months (maybe even longer but I didn’t realise) I’ve been havin a hard time with my mental health and struggling to feel happy or even just feel ok about being Me but I thought that trying to act happy and pretending that I was ok until I tricked myself in to believing it (aka “fake it till ya make it”) was a good way of dealing with it but that was far from the truth and in retrospect I think was extremely detrimental!
So I have started a long journey to becoming the Me that I want and have the potential to be.
First I started seeing a Psychologist who enabled me to open up a bit and start to talk about my feelings and the way my mind works but after 3 sessions I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t “ok enough” for just talking to someone to help me enough.
Simply talking to someone was a small but very significant step for me because I’d consciously trained myself over the years to keep my mouth shut about a lot of things including how I feel because I figured society isn’t interested in hearing blokes “whinge” and I didn’t feel significant enough for people to care or take it seriously.
After coming to this conclusion with the help of the love of my life and my family I chose a GP that I trusted, told her everything and asked for her advice which led to me getting a referral.
I went and saw the psychiatrist I was referred to after always saying I never would and found out that I’ve had ADHD my whole life (almost 30 years) and because I’d been living with it untreated for so long I also now have anxiety and depression (because I haven’t felt right and have felt misunderstood by everyone for so long) so I was prescribed an antidepressant and an ADD/ADHD medication called Strattera.
I went back to work and tried to be honest about why I had to use my sick leave to take a day off (even though I’d heard comments about blokes with mental illnesses needing to “harden up” etc.) but they didn’t seem to understand the importance of my situation and to cut a long story short I was told to go home. I figured there was no way I could go back after how this had made me feel so I had to resign.
3 days later I had a nervous breakdown and became severely suicidal for the first time in my life.
In tears I said “Im sorry, I love you but I have to go” to my mum (one of my best mates on the planet) and she had to physically stop me from leaving and walking out onto Thomas road, if Thomas road didn’t get the job done I was just gunna keep walkin n head out bush and hopefully not come back.
Mum rushed me to my GP for an emergency referral so I was quickly admitted to hospital due to my suicidal, dangerous and irrational behaviour for a psych evaluation who after that decided to put me on Serequel to help me get by until I started to feel the full effect of my other meds.
Now about 4 weeks later I am seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist, I am on multiple medications, I’m exercising and have even started trying meditation and yoga (I had always said “I don’t wanna do that hippy stuff”) and have been learning about mindfulness.
So I’m on the right track to become the Me I wanna be but I still have a long way to go. If the important people to me could please try be a bit patient with me and not be offended that ya haven’t heard from me in a while that would be a huge help and a massive show of support to me!
Sorry that was so long and pretty heavy but if you took the time to read the whole thing I appreciate it more than you could ever know!”
Love ya work Marty. #yourenotalone if you need help remember to contact lifeline 131114 X