Hi, I’m Larissa and I have PND (postnatal depression). It took me a long time to acknowledge and say out loud that I had PND. Here’s’ how it all unfolded.
August 2013 we welcomed our second child, our son into the world.
I suffered fourth-degree tears during his delivery.
I was whisked away into theatre and this is when my world came crashing down.
I sat cold, mostly naked and alone while I endured a spinal block being put on my back.
I was devastated.
The theatre was so bright, so loud, so cold. My body lay while they worked away fixing me up.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
Then I wanted to shout “shut the F up”. I felt them use my tummy as a table. I felt violated, my dignity wasn’t respected I know longer felt human.
Fast forward my son is 3 months old. The nightmares and terrors began. I couldn’t make sense of what was going on inside my head.
Some days I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I didn’t want to be a Mum anymore.
I wanted to run away.
I knew something wasn’t right, so I began to search for natural ways of healing.
I had kinesiology which helped remove some of the negative energy from my body.
I started seeing a counsellor. At this point, I was adamant I had PTSD and that I didi not have PND.
February 2014, a few days before my darling boys baptism I hit rock bottom.
Nothing was going to plan that day.
I was sleep deprived, stressed out and angry.
I packed the kids in the car and started driving. “where the F are you going Larissa?” I thought to myself.
I arrived at my favourite beach and cried. I then phoned my mum, I was an utter mess. I said, “I can’t do this anymore, what is wrong with me?”
Hubby came home from work and held me close, I just sobbed and sobbed. It was that night at the dinner table I looked up from my pizza and said: “babe I have postnatal depression”.
A weight began to lift. I had said it out loud. “I Have PND.”
The following day I was attending group counselling.
I was finally ready to share my story and say out loud I have PND.
I saw my GP and she knew by looking at me I had been through hell. She was amazing. She listened. She sympathised. She understood.
You see deep down I knew I did all that time. I was just too scared to say it as I didn’t want medication. Medication has become such a taboo thing in society.
To this day 2 and half years later I take this tiny little tablet that has brought me back to life. Back to being the wife, mummy, daughter, sister and friend that I want to be.
My name is Larissa and I have PND.