How to Create a Stable Foundation of Self Love

Self Love – Everybody talks about its importance but how do you obtain it?

Sure there is positive talk, affirmations and learning to understand that peoples negative comments about you are often just a reflection of themselves. Whilst important they often can be hard to start doing. Before you start doing these activities you should create the foundation for self-love within you. The foundation is created by seeing yourself as a friend and not an enemy. If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself would they hang around? If the answer is no, then you need to try this exercise.

Stand in front of a full-length mirror. Make sure you can see your whole body and ask yourself where is the first place you look? Once you have identified this ask yourself why.

Don’t worry about what the answer is, just ask it.

Once you have identified that, ask yourself what is the next place you look at and why? Keep going until you have hit all or at least five or six of the places you first look at when you see yourself in a mirror. Now, look at your list, how many of the first things you look at are because you hate what you see or you’re checking if they look okay? If the majority of the first places you look are things you hate, how do you think that sets you up to see yourself? With hate, of course.

When we focus on something so intently of course it is going to be reflected back. Aka -when you search for the things you hate naturally you will find them. If the majority of the first places you look are check in places, for example, “I check my legs to see if they are okay or I check my stomach to see if it is flat” You are allowing your self-worth to be determined by a measure. A very objective measure at that. What do you think that means for the way you feel about yourself? That’s right, it’s going to be a very unstable sense of self-love. Your love for yourself will fluctuate on a daily basis. 

Now that you have identified what you dislike, identify what you do like.

Don’t tell me there is nothing. 

There are at least three things, I guarantee it.

You just aren’t used to seeing them because you cloud yourself with hate or uncertainty before you can even get to them.

Look at yourself, really look at yourself. If you’re are having difficulty, look at your eyes, just your eyes. Watch how they blink, how they change as you smile and frown. Look at your eyelashes, watch how they move. Look at your lips, look how they curve, look how they open.Really look at yourself for a change.

Take it all in.Observe yourself just as you are, without thought or judgement.Take a deep breath and ask yourself to find a few things you like. Now that you have identified some things you like I want you to interrupt you self-hate or self-check pattern next time you go to the mirror. What I mean by that is change where you first look. The first thing I want you to do is to look for the things you like and then look at the rest of yourself. Watch what happens as you change your focus from hate to loveYou start to see your body differently. You start to see it with compassion and love. Without judgement. You see it as a body.

You start to see yourself as a friend. As you start to see yourself with love and compassion you will find the things you used to hate or worry about don’t bother you as much anymore. You also find the list of things you like about yourself starts to grow. You start to love yourself as you are. This makes it so much easier for you to change your thoughts, words and actions to empower and grow yourself further. This is much more productive then you bringing yourself down and eroding your confidence. You are literally not going to get anywhere in life by doing that.

Self-love is simply loving yourself as you are in the moment.

It is understanding that you have room to grow and make improvements but for now however you are is perfect. Criticism rarely motivates anyone. So if you want to make a change or meet a goal start encouraging yourself. The self-hate game won’t give you the movement you are looking for.

xo Lauren

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