It’s Okay to Outgrow Friendships

Story By Anonymous

Have you ever sat there next to a best friend and felt really disconnected.

You were once the best of friends, soul mates even.

You did everything together and now you feel as if you’re sitting next to a completely different person?

Did you change? Or did they change?

Some people come into your life just to teach you how to let go – Reyna Biddy

I had this friend. Our mums were besties and we grew up together. We were inseparable, joined at the hip. Our bond was unlike anything. She was my other half. We knew each other better then we knew ourselves.

We had always had this master plan, we would grow up, find boyfriends, get married, buy houses on the same street, have babies at the same time and our children would grow up together with the same bond we did. However, that’s not quite how it went down.

We went to the same primary school however we were separated when her parents decided to send her to a private all-girls school and mine sent me to a public co-ed school.

I BEGGED my mum to send me to the same school, I threw so many tantrums because I honestly thought that it was the end of my life. Everything sucked and I hated being apart from her. Now I’m glad that mum said no.

We started off still seeing each other, we would call each other, sleepover each other’s houses, typical best friend stuff, you know.

It wasn’t until year 9 where I started to feel a little disconnected. I felt strange. I would spend time with her just to spend time with her. I was so caught up in our past that I didn’t realise our future had changed. I tried so hard to keep up the friendship. We always wanted the same things growing up and I started to realise that maybe that’s not what I want anymore. I started hanging out with different people and spending more time making excuses as to why I didn’t want to see her. I spent half my time saying ‘Mum just make up an excuse for me pleaseeee’. I felt horrible about it, trust me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be her friend, to this day I still adore her. But I just felt so awkward that we had nothing in common anymore. I had to try so hard to hold down a convocation and it made for a very odd feeling relationship.

I thought I had to hold onto that because we once were the best of friends. I would ask myself how we could lose such a strong friendship. How is it possible to change into a completely different person, but the truth is I didn’t change. I grew.

It wasn’t until I got a boyfriend that I realised had grown soo much and that maybe I had outgrown our friendship.

I only grow apart from those who don’t grow

She got a boyfriend about 6 months later and I hated him. I still do. He was one of the biggest factors in our disconnection. Now that’s not to say that she wasn’t allowed a boyfriend or that you can’t be friends with people who are in relationships because both of those are untrue.

He was the most negative, unpromising, lying boy who simply treated her not even a fraction of the way she deserved to be treated. This relationship was borderline abusive and was on the path to #operationself-destruct.

I would always try and talk to her from a best friend perspective and try to see what was going on. I only wanted the best for her. I wanted her to be happy, which she wasn’t. But I could never get a straight answer. He turned her into a person who I never thought I would see. She was there standing in front of me but I wasn’t talking to my best friend. I was talking to someone who I didn’t even recognise anymore. She would lie to me about him to make the relationship look better and it made me really concerned. I remember her making up all these excuses for him, she would do EVERYTHING for him and get nothing in return.

As your life changes so will your circle

I tried so many times to get through to her but in the end, I had to let go. I felt so guilty. How could I leave her in this situation? She claimed to be so happy but I could see she wasn’t.

It was then that we both realised that we had different dreams. Different desires. Different motivations and our souls wanted different things from each other. We started becoming more negative and more judgemental. At this point, the only thing we had in common was the past. I had to come to the realization that I am no longer in any place in my life where I want to baby someone or nurture anyone just to save them a place in my life.

It’s a very bittersweet situation where it still leaves me feeling quite upset and feeling quite alone at times. But I had to learn to trust the universe. I had to trust the journey and realise that maybe, just maybe this was how it was supposed to be. Clearly, she still deserves better then what she is getting from her BF but that’s not up to me anymore.

It’s nice to feel like you’re on the same page as your bestie, and when one or both of you start to drift away, it can be disorienting, sad, and confusing.

It’s okay to feel like it’s time to move on. It’s okay to want something different and know within yourself that the universe has your back.

It’s not always a negative when you decide you want different things. You may stumble across a new group of friends who raise you so much higher than anyone else ever could. You will get a new level of self-worth that you didn’t even know you had. And you will start to invest your time in the people and actives that bring you joy and fill your soul.

It’s okay to outgrow someone but be honest with them and yourself.

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