Story By Monique
Living with 2 invisible chronic pain illnesses, my life rarely goes to plan but I decided to get a money box to saving for my 30th next year. After a few months of putting small notes and gold coins into the tin, I had to take the money out of it to help cover medical appts. Having Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Pcos not only fucking sucks it’s expensive too.
I had a sonovaginography (very intense and in-depth internal ultrasound) booked in to see what’s going on inside me and maybe see why my pain has increased. Was chatting away to the lovely dr doing the ultrasound and her faced dropped. She asked if I had a boyfriend and if I knew whether or not I wanted kids. I thought to myself “ok lady, I know you have a big wand shoved up my hoohaa but those questions are a bit personal” turns out she was asking because she could see I had a very low follicle count. (follicles produce eggs, eggs make the babies)
A low count on 1 ovary is 4. She told me I have 3 on 1 ovary and 2 on the other. I couldn’t help myself I started crying. She told me I needed to go get my AMH levels check (egg reserves) and then wait to see my specialist in 10 days.
I walked out of there with my hooaa and uterus hurting and my head spinning.
What did all this mean? What happens if my AMH levels are low too?
Can I have a baby?
What do I do if I can’t have a child?
Has endo destroyed my fertility like it has to so many other gals I know?
What will my options be?
If I have to have fertility treatments where the hell am I pulling the money from?
Don’t I have enough to deal with, trying to function as a “normal” human whilst being in a fuck load of pain every other damn day?
I went immediately for the blood test and spent the next 10 days telling myself to calm the fuck down and wait until I had all the information. It was possibly one of the most difficult weeks I’ve had.
D day came for my specialist appt. He advised my egg count was low and that I should consider freezing my eggs. Thing is though it’s not just freezing my eggs it’s then having to go through multiple rounds of IVF. Besides the fact, the whole process would cost around 40k for freezing and 3 rounds of IVF. There is only 40% chance of a live birth. If I decided not to freeze, I have a few years when I could possibly conceive naturally.
I walked away feeling lost, stressed and angry. Why do I have make this decision? How do I make this decision? How is it going to affect my dating life? What if I make the wrong decision and regret it? How would fertility treatment affect my endo & adeno?
What if I have a daughter and she has these awful conditions too or would I be ok with adopting a child in need?
So many questions, risks with either choice. I have 6 months to decide what I want to do.
If you’re reading this and going through something similar. Please know you’re not alone. There are so of us many going through this and it’s not talked about enough. Time to change that.