A few weeks ago I went out on P-Town with a friend, who I cannot name. Long story short we both got incredibly tipsy, and she ended up banging the nightclub manager, on a wooden barrel, in a storeroom, at the club.
Neither of us can decide if this is hilarious, or dirty as f***. So, I decided to put it to the people of Perth to inbox me their worst/funniest nightclub stories, all of whom wish to remain anonymous (you’ll see why), and ALL being women.
I got an outstanding number of responses, but I simply couldn’t include them all, so here are my top picks for the worst things done in a nightclub…
Glass Wall Smashed:
It’s New Year’s Eve and this woman is wasted. She can’t stand up straight and is spilling her drink everywhere. At this point in time, she decided she wanted to go cuddle one of her friends that was in a different section of the nightclub. She claims there was a beautiful, large, glass feature wall in the middle of the club. Because she was struggling so much to walk she stumbled and fell into the glass slightly cracking it. Looking around she realised no one saw, so she stood and tried to pretend it wasn’t her. However, she fell yet again and the entire wall shattered!
She was thrown out and was told to never return again.
Butt Plug to the rescue:
This lovely lady had attended a pure romance party and ate a lot of cheese. Problem is, she is lactose intolerant. At this party she bought a butt plug, and continued to head to a nightclub with it in her bag. Whilst tearing up the dance floor, she let a little fart rip; problem is she fully followed through. She went to the toilet and had to throw her knickers in the bin. She continued to party, and I think you can all guess what she did with the butt plug to keep the rest of her shit in…
Banging my ex’s best mate:
This beautiful girl had had a little too much to drink in this Perth club. She is making out with a guy who she really shouldn’t be. Things escalate quickly and she takes him where no one can see them so they can continue. Fast forward, they end up in a toilet stall and they proceed to bang. The best part of this story is the guy she was doing this with, is her ex’s best mate…
Pole Dance Gone Wrong:
There aren’t many clubs in Perth that have poles, but this particular one does. This sexy girl was showing all the boys her amazing moves. She actually pole dances for fun, so this was an easy task. As she flips upside down and does the splits, she tears her shorts completely through the crutch, and she is not wearing underwear. Herself and her friends then tried to ask bouncers and bar staff for anything that could hold the shorts together.
Hmm I think it is maybe time to go home love…?
Snorting Illegal Substances:
The title says it all. A bunch of friends all went into a toilet stall together, laid out cocaine on the top of the toilet lid, and proceeded to snort it.
I think the worst bit is how unhygienic a toilet lid is…
I don’t mind claiming this story as my own… this was me, on a Wednesday night, after about 7 shots of tequila. I decided it was time to call it quits and go home. I insisted that my friends stay but I could not. The problem with this nightclub is it has two flights of stairs to get out, complete safety hazard. As I stepped on the first step, I tripped, and tumbled down the two flights of stairs. The worst part is at the bottom of the stairs is where the line begins for people to enter the club, and it was long. So hundreds of people saw this fall. I stood up and tried to act cool, and brush it off. Turns out, I had actually strained all of the muscles down the left side of my body. Thank you tequila.
I would love to hear other people’s worst nightclub stories, and even better if they are worse than these ones!