One Night Stand Disasters

It was a standard Friday night. I was having a few drinks with friends; got a bit tipsy, and ended up going home with a guy (that is not usually standard, but it happens.)

Anyway fast-forward, I am sure you can all guess what behaviour occurred back at his place. It was late and I ended up falling asleep. Had a great sleep, but what occurred in the morning was the most terrifying occasion of my life.

I woke up to a little voice saying; “daddy, there’s someone in your bed.”

I sat up immediately, probably the worst thing to do considering I was naked, and faced with a wide eyed two year old staring up at me. (Disclaimer, this guy is single and shares the child with his ex).

“Daddy” quickly jumped to the rescue, picked the child up and took him downstairs. I didn’t know what to do. Do I get up, get dressed, and jump from the second story window? Do I go downstairs and pretend that it’s all-good and meet this child. Or do I pretend to sleep until I am told what to do? I chose option three. I decided to lay there as still and quiet as possible until this guy came upstairs and told me what he wanted, at the end of the day it is his kid. Eventually he came upstairs, told me to get dressed when I was ready, and to come downstairs. So it was confirmed, I had to actually come face to face with this child.

It took a lot of courage for me to go downstairs, probably half an hour of me sitting on the bed hyperventilating. Eventually I worked up the courage and made my way down. As I descend the stairs the kid is standing in front of the tv, right where I have to walk to exit the house. Fuck me. He hears me coming and turns to me. I freeze, he freezes. I don’t know how long we stood there staring at each other but all I could hear was “daddy” laughing from the kitchen. This is not fucking funny. This is not how this situation works. Anyway, eventually I was dropped home, without saying much to the child or his dad.

I later apologised for acting like a complete psychopath but honestly how was I supposed to react?

This had my brain spinning for days. I am not a frequent ‘one night stander’ and am not sure what the correct protocol is. I wanted to put it to the people of Perth to see there most awkward encounters were after a one-night stand, and this is the response I got:

Stolen belongings:

This girl went home with a well-known football player, who shall not be named. They had an amazing night of mischief but as she awoke she found he had taken off, and stolen her phone, laptop, and wallet. She didn’t have his number and couldn’t remember which football player it was thanks to alcohol. So she immediately got on tinder and swiped until she found him. Then, she contacted her dad and came up with a lie that didn’t admit she had had a one night stand, he contacted this guys football club, threatened him, and this girl had her belongings dropped on her doorstep the next day. She stays away from footballers now.

STI Scare:

This one nightstand was years ago for this poor girl. She was early adulthood and hadn’t fully grasped how careful you need to be during sex. She had a one-night stand, and found out after she had an STI but had been given it before this one night stand. Legally she then had to make the most dreaded phone call of her life, and tell this poor bloke that she thinks she had passed it onto him. He didn’t react well. Funniest part is it was a false alarm and she then had to explain that to him. Wow. Think it’s clear why he never called her again.

Wedding Veil Sold:

This beautiful lady was going through a rough separation and needed to blow off some steam. She bought someone home, had a wild night, and the next morning awoke to someone on her doorstep wanting to buy her wedding veil. She then had to awkwardly explain to this guy why she had a wedding veil, and why she was selling it.

Not So Single:

After a crappy breakup and a wild night of drinking, this girl hit the town hard. Out of her comfort zone, she ended up taking an older man home. He rocked her world and they had a great night. It turned sour when she awoke to his phone ringing and his wife being on the phone asking where he was. She quickly made him get dressed and kicked him out of her house. The even worse part is he continually contacted her wanting her to be his sidepiece, to the point where she had to block him on everything. And men think women can be crazy.

Stuck Condom:

This girl was just having a good time. Her and this guy had just finished going at it, when they realised the condom had fallen off, and with his manly bits, he had pushed it far inside of her. That was an awful trip to the doctors for this poor girl.

I think it is such an amazing thing to be able to laugh about these situations and openly discuss them with each other. I would love to have more stories sent through so we can celebrate the fascinating scenarios of one-night stands!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *